Darling Hill

If you're tired of hearing that you can't have it all, here's one interview you don't want to miss.

Meet Stephanie Himel-Nelson (a.k.a. Lawyer Mama), Lawyer, Mother of Two Young Boys, Blogger, and Professional Photographer, who has discovered that lawyers can do more than dream about having it all--they can act on those dreams. Himel-Nelson proves that finding happiness within or alongside the law and "having it all" is possible when you're willing to follow your dreams. Here's what Himel-Nelson says on following those dreams and finding yourself along the way:

Darling Hill: Why did you decide to jump off the traditional law track?
Himel-Nelson: Like everything in life, it was complicated. I don't like the idea of being told that I "can't" do something, so when I hear phrases like "working women can't have it all" or "women lawyers can't have it all," it annoys me. I so wanted to break out of the mommy tracked female lawyer mold and be something more than a part-time lawyer. Unfortunately, life got in the way of my lofty goals. My decision to take a career detour basically came down to two things: the need for more time and the need to build something for myself.

I have 2 small boys only 15 months apart in age. My oldest just turned 4. Obviously, they require a lot of time and attention. As a litigator, my job interfered with my Mom role quite a bit. I would often find myself coming home after or just before my boys went to bed at 8pm. (Heck, I had a 2 week solo trial the week after I returned from maternity leave with my youngest. Have you ever tried pumping breast milk in a courthouse bathroom? It's not fun!) For the last year or so, I would see the boys for about an hour in the morning while we were getting ready for the day and driving to daycare. Aside from that, I couldn't spend much time with them during the week and it was starting to show. Whenever I was gone for several evenings in a row the boys became cranky, whiny, and basically a huge handful. When my husband and I were both around, life was much more pleasant.

Looking at my work life, I realized that something had to change. My law firm was generally open to the idea of me working part time but I would have to leave my specialty, government contract litigation, for a more flexible area of practice. We tossed around the idea of me filling a research and writing role for the firm on a part-time basis and that's when I realized that I wanted even more flexibility. I wanted to work for myself.

So, I left my firm and started two businesses of my own. My "legal" business is called The Legal Writers Group. I perform legal research and writing services for law firms and sole practitioners on a contract basis. My "fun" business is completely unrelated to the law. LightHearted Photography is a portrait and artistic photography business. It's completely different, but in a way the two businesses work well together. They both feed different parts of my soul.

It's wonderful when a client calls or emails and says that I did a great job on a brief. But I can't even explain how much more exciting it was to me the first time someone contacted me and said "I love this photo you took. Can we publish it in our magazine?" The law, and by extension brief writing, is pretty cut and dried despite the shades of gray. It's very analytical and cerebral. But photography is all nuance and emotion. I'm trying to capture not just what I see, but what I feel. When I'm successful, it's wonderful. I don't think I can give that up now.

Darling Hill: Did work/life balance or children factor into your decision?
Himel-Nelson: Yes. A lot of it was about work-life balance. I needed more time with my children and I needed more time for me. As it was, my kids weren't getting much time, my husband was getting even less, and I wasn't getting any. I was seriously depressed and burned out. I even went out on short term disability for awhile. Something had to change.

Darling Hill: What were your biggest fears, doubts, or concerns, if any, about leaving the law?
Himel-Nelson: Well, I haven't left it completely, so that puts me in an unusual position. I know that I'll be able to go back to a law firm or a more traditional legal role if I need to. My biggest fear is, of course, will people hire me? Will I make enough money to keep this going? While I know that I can go back to a firm if I need to, I still worry that I'll be starting all over again from the bottom if I do.

Darling Hill: Has having a J.D. helped you with your photography business?
Himel-Nelson: A little bit. I formed my LLC on my own, drafted my own model release form and can review my own contracts. I think having a JD can help you with any business to the extent that your business will need legal help. Frankly, legal services are a cost of doing business these days and it's nice to be able to avoid that.

Darling Hill: What, if anything, do you miss about practicing law?
Himel-Nelson: Sometimes I do miss the structure and predictability of litigation. And the social life! I like to pretend that I'm very introverted, but I'm really a social creature. I truly enjoyed talking to my co-workers and clients every day. Now I have to make sure I schedule lunches with friends and former colleagues so that I get a bit more adult interaction now that I'm working at home most days.

Darling Hill: What advice can you give another lawyer who dreams about leaving the law to pursue a non-law dream?
Himel-Nelson: I hate to use that Nike phrase, but it fits so well: Just do it! You can make it a little less scary by saving some extra money and setting a time line to try it out. For example, my husband and I initially agreed that I would try this for 6 months and see what sort of progress my businesses were making. But there will never be a perfect time to quit your job. It will always be scary. You can prepare and prepare and prepare, but one day you have to get up the nerve to walk into your boss's office and take that leap off the cliff.

Darling Hill: What's the most surprising discovery you've made during this detour (professionally or personally)?
Himel-Nelson: My most surprising discovery has been personal. For the last year I knew that I needed to change something. But honestly, I didn't expect that forging out on my own would be some sort of magic bullet. It really has made me so much happier though. My husband notices the difference and even my kids know that Mommy is much happier. Following my bliss turned out to be just what I needed.

You can find Himel-Nelson blogging at the popular blog, Lawyer Mama.

You can check out Himel-Nelson's photography at LightHearted Photography.

Are you a Lawyer Refined? If so, Darling Hill wants to spotlight you here. Email Ink [*at*] darlinghill [*dot*] com.

For more inspiration on following your dreams, check out Staying at Home, Staying in the Law: A Guide to Remaining Active in the Legal Profession While Pursuing Your Dreams (American Bar Association 2008) and the Darling Hill Archives.

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